Conflicts
The Great Hashtag Debacle of 2013
May 9, 2015
It's pretty important
This week for our cultural blog at DBC, we have been asked to talk about conflicts. I don't know if this is TMI but I've had a life-time of conflicts, particularly in close, personal relationships, with my immediate family and with those whom I had been in romantic relationships with, because unfortunatly that was the sort of environment I grew up in. Not everyone is born into a conflic-free zone, nor are they taught exceptional conflict-management skills. I had to learn them the hard way, and through years of counseling. So I think this is a really important and relevant topic, because conflicts can occur at any time/place in life, but there are very productive and effective ways of dealing with and resolving conflict.
Discuss a time you had a conflict. What was it about? What happened?
I am going to talk about, what I call, "The Great Hashtag Debacle of 2013." I am an avid Instagramer, and also an avid hashtagger - or at least used to be. I used to hashtag something like 80% of my photo captions on Instagram. I also play in a band and occasionally post videos of some new songs that I may have just written. In 2013, I wrote a song that I was particularly feeling excited about, so I posted a small clip of me singing this song on an acoustic guitar. I then captioned it with a bunch of hashtags, something roughly like #acoustic #classical #guitar #songwriting etc.
Shortly after I posted this clip, I had an acquaintane make a rather snide comment about my hashtags. When I proceeded forward to express (to this individual, in a private message) how that made me feel, they responded with extreme defensiveness, which spiraled into a really bad discussion, which lead to this individual removing me off their facebook, yikes!
What was the source of the conflict?
For me, the source of the conflict was that this person had made a snide remark on a post that had to do with my own work of art that was personal to me, that I had plugged my heart into. I found it rather rude that this person had little to comment about what I had put out, and felt a need to give me a hard time about the hashtags. However, it also turned out that this person was not able to take any level of feedback, and refused to acknowledge that his actions/words may have been negative in tone or rude towards me.
What basic emotions did you feel upon analyzing the conflict?
I think I was really hurt. Maybe a little annoyed, but mostly hurt, that someone that I rarely ever saw or spoke to chose an occasion, in which I posted my personal music, to make a negative comment that really had nothing to do with my music. It also made me feel extremely frustrated that they responded with defensiveness.
What actions did you take to resolve your conflict?
I attempted to use a lot of "I feel" words to try to explain how their words made me feel and to explain that I mostly wanted acknowledgement and some empathy towards how his actions affected me.
If you could go back, what would you do differently, if anything?
I think I would have disengaged from the argument much sooner. This individual seemed to be in a very strange mood, or perhaps in general lacked the ability to empathize. Their defensiveness made me feel frustrated, but I could have simply left it at - I expressed how I feel, whether you understand it or not, so thanks for taking the time to let me express my feelings.
What did you learn from this experience?
I learned that not everyone is equipped with conflict resolution, just the way that I was not equipped with it for a long time. Sometimes, it's best to disengage, though it is still important to be honest with someone and give them some feedback, if they hurt you. If the person you are attempting to resolve a conflict with is unable to take feedback, it's best to walk away.